What does Facebook even mean to me? Is "Unfriend" even a word?
To be honest and upfront, I am a people-pleaser by nature. I am working on it. Christ will restore me through it. But, for the meantime, it means that I can sometimes over-react, over symbolize and take things the wrong way. You be the judge!
Lately I can't get this out of my head. Someone I greatly admire, someone I hold with the utmost respect, someone who embodies all that I thought was maturity, someone who is wise UNFRIENDED me on facebook! Really! Straight up, without warning, unfriended me.
Now, I didn't have the closest relationship with this person but we have certainly had some strong bonds. Also, this person added me to begin with. Either way, my feelings are kind of hurt. This person never talked to me about any issue. Never told me that they were having issues with me.
I am wrestling with some reasons why this could have happened:
- Honest to goodness technical glitch
- Maybe, but what are the chances?
- I moved away to Seattle for school and this person only keeps facebook friends with whom they closely interact.
- I know this isn't true, there are other long-distant friends
- because of a spat on facebook that we had...
- Now, as a people pleaser I am thinking about what I did wrong. The last negative interaction I remember having was over a joke that I told. The joke wasn't dirty or inappropriate. It may have seemed personally pointed but after I apologized profusely and over many times and reassured my innocent intentions, not inferring anything about anyone, just joking, I thought the matter had been resolved. I ate my words, apologized, deleted the post and moved on. This was some time ago.
What irks me more is that it is stupid facebook. I mean, really? Why am I going to get offended over facebook? It is so small and insignificant. I have had people completely disassociate themselves with me. And yet this seems more offensive. At least the other people made a stand, said their peace and walked away. They don't like me. I get it. They're absolutely wrong, but I understand. We have an understanding: I understand that they have the right to be wrong. Carry on! BUT THIS just seems ludicrous. Facebook?!?! Is this a passive aggressive way to let someone know someone is upset without actually doing the right thing of sitting down and talking it out?
Maybe facebook friendship isn't as insignificant as I thought. Maybe it points to a bigger reality. No more drifting apart, now I can just unfriend you. Clean break. Can't see my wall, posts, or general life happenings. Where is the dignity in digitally terminating a friendship? What ever happened to the falling away from each other and running into each other at the grocery store acting all "oh-hey-how-are-you?-yeah-sorry-I-forgot-to-email-you-back-about-that-thing-2-years-ago.-Yeah,-things-have-just-been-so-busy" excuse? The "I've just been so busy" excuse is perfect. We're all let down gently. No one has to feel bad. No one has to feel like it is their fault. We can blame it on life circumstances. It is so much easier to blame it on life circumstances.
I mean, where is the facebook etiquette? Even my enemies don't unfriend me. Have the decency to just hide me and all my posts. It is easy... on my next post, click the arrow in the upper right hand corner of my post. On the drop down you can limit the number of my posts to "only important" or even "unsubscribe from status updates from Jaymes" altogether. It is that simple. We will still be "friends" but you won't be annoyed by me anymore. This is far more passive aggressive without hurting people's feelings.
I MEAN have you ever unfriended someone? It is like playing "Where's Waldo?" in a candy-cane lovers and blue jeans convention (c'mon, give it to me, I am making it up as I go - that is original material). Facebook is like a gang, we are friends4life according to them. You can't just go to someone's page and find an unfriend button. You can't even go to your own homepage and unfriend them. You have to go all the way to your own page (not very intuitive) to get to your own "friends" on the left hand column then search their name or scroll all the way down (because facebook alphabetizes by first letter of first name... I know, ridiculous) and then click the icon next to their name that says "friends" and then click "unfriend" at the bottom of the pop-down menu. I know, that issssssss a lot of work. It would be easier to be room-mates at this point then do all those steps. But one thing it does mean is that when you unfriend someone, you are mad enough to perform a facebook triatholon just to do it. It is not a simple flip of the wrist. It is not by accident. For people who are older, I wouldn't be surprised if it took a call to the children or grandchildren to figure it out. This is a multi- sticky note instruction kind of a thing.
So, in all honesty, (1) my feelings are genuinely hurt if the action was performed on purpose, (2) I think there should have been some dialogue about this if I offended you that much, and (3) I probably made matters worse by joking around in this post... oh well, can't please everyone.
What do you think? Should I be offended? Should I let it go? Should I bring it up with that person? You decide, ABCD.